i need you here tonight [entries|friends|calendar] alisha lynne [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Sunday September 16th, 2007 at 5:54pm] i really don't want to end up hurting him.. but i don't want to end up hurt either. maybe this is why i'm so anti-relationship. post comment

[Sunday August 19th, 2007 at 8:18pm] i don't want to believe it.. i can't believe it. he didn't pull the trigger. i refuse to believe that he pulled that trigger.. it's hard enough trying to accept that he even held the gun. and i have no idea why i'm not scared of him. she's more scared for me than i am. he would never hurt his family. 3 I post comment

[Saturday August 18th, 2007 at 5:47pm] he pulled the trigger. i hate being lied to, but sometimes i just wish that i didn't know the whole truth. post comment

[Monday July 30th, 2007 at 9:58pm] It's never been my intention to purposely shun any of the people around me. But now 've finally realized I'm all on my own. I've always had the opinion that if I can live with myself, somebody else can do as well. But now I'm sitting in my room and I don't feel at home. When I'm in a crowd how come I feel so alone? Every place feels like home when I'm alone. I've got no peace of mind. I've got no peace of mind. The bigger the population the fewer you can see. You really know it's an obvious paradox or at least it should. I've lost most of my visions but sometimes before I go to sleep, I swear I see eternity. And it doesn't scare me. Though I wish it would. post comment

long time, no talk.. [Sunday July 15th, 2007 at 8:58pm] [ mood | depressed ] i don't really use this anymore.. but i don't feel like burdening any of my friends with my drama.. i don't even mind if anyone comments. i just feel like typing. 1.) angel, my dog, died.. and i miss her so much. she was john's dog... and now she's gone. she used to remind me of him.. & now they're both gone. i hate death so much. i keep picturing her in her little spot on the couch and i hate it. she was a dog, why am i being so emotional about this? my mom & little brother are literally devastated.. i am too, but i don't get upset in front of them. my mom actually had the nerve to ask me, "how come you're not upset? do you even care?"... yeah, lovely.. i don't know, i just miss her.. a lot. 2.) i'm sneaking talking to my dad.. we've been emailing. and if my mom knew, i don't know what she'd do.. i'm actually even making plans to see him. how do i know if i'm doing the right thing..? it kind of feels right.. but feelings never meant anything. the devil uses our feelings and emotions to trick us all the time. he makes things so difficult too.. he's saying all the right things, and making me want to let him in.. but i know if i let my guard down, everything will come crumbling down again.. it always has. so why even bother? 3.) i don't know what's going to become of my future.. i've been visiting colleges and doing research, but it's still making me so nervous.. my dad already has a "i'm a gator dad" plate for his car.. & of course it has a better name than any florida school.. but what about what i want? i want to go to NYU, but i doubt i'll get in or ever be able to afford it. and i actually happen to like UCF better than UF, but that doesn't matter.. because "UF carries more weight in the real world", and therefore, I'm expected to go there. it's a great school, don't get me wrong.. i'd just like to feel more in control. and let's not even get started about my mom's "it's not just your decision, it's largely mine too" comments. i don't know. i think i'm complaining too much.. maybe i should just shutup and go with the flow.. but i feel like the more i do that, & the more i don't say anything, the more it all eats me up inside.. i'm done. bleh. 2 I post comment

i've never seen my faults more clearly spelt out for me. [Monday June 4th, 2007 at 10:54pm] stupid internet quiz. my "trait snapshot" according to an in depth personality quiz: open, tough, irritable, worrying, does not like to be alone, craves attention, low self control, emotionally sensitive, interacting, sad, very social, aggressive, prefer organized to unpredictable, dependent, social chameleon, suspicious, values the heart over the mind, likes large parties, outgoing, likes to make fun, likes to fit in, mildly phobic, vain, makes friends easily, enjoys leadership, clingy, rash post comment

[Monday May 28th, 2007 at 12:31pm] "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope." We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home. post comment

[Saturday May 12th, 2007 at 9:10pm] post comment

[Sunday May 6th, 2007 at 6:55pm] i've lost touch of who i am. i don't know what i'm doing here anymore.. 1 I post comment

[Friday March 16th, 2007 at 5:46pm] Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I'm not sure I could. They say time heals everything, But I'm still waiting I'm through, with doubt, There's nothing left for me to figure out, I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down, I'm still mad as hell And I don't have time To go round and round and round It's too late to make it right I probably wouldn't if I could Cause I'm mad as hell Can't bring myself to do what it is You think I should I know you said Why can't you just get over it, It turned my whole world around and i kind of like it I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby, With no regrets and I don't mind saying, It's a sad sad story That a mother will teach her daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger. And how in the world Can the words that I said Send somebody so over the edge That they'd write me a letter Saying that I better shut up and sing Or my life will be over I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down, I'm still mad as hell And I don't have time To go round and round and round It's too late to make it right I probably wouldn't if I could Cause I'm mad as hell Can't bring myself to do what it is You think I should I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down, I'm still mad as hell And I don't have time To go round and round and round It's too late to make it right I probably wouldn't if I could Cause I'm mad as hell Can't bring myself to do what it is You think I should Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I'm not sure I could. They say time heals everything, But I'm still waiting 2 I post comment

[Wednesday March 14th, 2007 at 10:43pm] i hate feeling distant from him. this is not supposed to happen.. hate to say, "i told ya so." post comment

[Tuesday February 27th, 2007 at 10:59pm] Dear Alisha, happy birthday. you are a bad daughter and a bad teammate. let's not forget a spoiled, unappreciative brat. love, your family & a couple friends. p.s. am i forgetting anything? 5 I post comment

when it rains, it pours. [Wednesday January 17th, 2007 at 4:43pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | chris rice- "come home running" ] it's all such a blur now.. i can't recall ever being fully comitted the whole quarter. I was distrait and my mind was simply not in my work. my life was a mess and all over the place, and my mind completely mirrored everything that was going on in my life. i can't comprehend it; how did i ever allow myself to mess up that bad? i usually take great pride in everything i turn in.. yet when i recieved my report of it all, i was far from being able to take pride in that. it was almost as if i had no control over it all.. but then again i know that's a bunch of bull. regardless of the major turns my life has taken the past few months, i am in control of my life, not circumstance. and it was in my control to do better. so now i fall under the "mediocre" category? if i don't have my intelligence, then what do i have? i've settled for "averege" in myself in many other areas, and this is one of them that i refuse to. i owe it to myself to prove that i can. & i'm not overreacting.. 5 I post comment

ello dearies. [Friday December 22nd, 2006 at 4:18am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | starmits broadway cast- "reach right down" ] so i will see all of you brilliant things in about a week. pray we have a safe trip =] merry Christmas to you all!!!! 2 I post comment

comment anonymously please =] [Wednesday December 13th, 2006 at 1:48am] 1. One secret. 2. One compliment. 3. One random thing 4. One love note. 5. Lyrics to a song. 6. How old you are. 7. How long we've been friends. 8. A hint to whom you are. 31 I post comment

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